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    詩歌散文 > 文章閱讀 > 親情文章 > 迷失在都市里的父親

    迷失在都市里的父親

    作者: 吳瓊2018年03月19日來源: 商洛日報親情文章

    一轉眼,父親離開我們已經三年了。三年里,我常常想起父親那次來縣城找我的情景。

    那天,我正在電腦上看《逆戰》,隔壁有人喊我,有人找你。我走出去,看見父親撐了一把很舊的雨傘,在飛舞的雪花里,正揚了頭看我的門牌,一邊說,我是他爸哩!

    我把父親讓進門市部,拉一把椅子給父親,把我剛泡的茶遞到父親手上。父親一邊說不喝,一邊接了茶杯。我問,這么大的雪,咋今天下來了?父親說,到真草堂給你媽買風濕藥。你媽那人就是喝不下去藥——只好買了些膏藥。

    我拉開抽屜,父親說,不要取煙,我身上有。我沒有說話,抽出一支煙遞給父親。父親點上煙,問我,你現在這房子多少錢?生意咋樣?我唉了一聲,說,就這房子,一個月都要一千二哩。也沒得生意,見天能賣一百多元都是好的。有時候就是幾十塊錢。父親也嘆息一聲,說,生意越來越不好做了。混吧,過兩年把娃混大了就好了。父親又問,你們原來上邊賣飯的都搬到哪去了?我說,就搬到我對面房子的后面了。父親繼續說,這縣城,拆的我都辨不清東南西北了。父親又說,一個好人,是個婦女,一直把他從真草堂領到我們的市場。父親說,還是好人多啊。父親說完這句話,就站起來,說,我回啊。我也站起來,你剛來,咋就走啊?我把你送回我的住處,孩子在家,你吃過中午飯再走吧。父親說,不了。我就是來看看你現在在哪做生意?

    我送父親走出門,父親東看看,西瞅瞅,說,哪邊是西?哪邊是東?我指指東邊,說,這邊是東。父親說,我還以為這邊是西哩。我們回去是往西走哩。看到父親不辨東西的樣子,我對隔壁人說,幫我看一下門,我送我爸啊。父親說,沒事。你送到大門口就行了。我和父親走到市場大門口,父親說你回吧。我說,我送你過橋。走到人民路,父親看到朝圣門,說,這就是朝圣門啊,門面是賈平凹題的,我知道。從這兒上去就上倉頡園了。父親說著話,我們已走到南門口橋。我對父親說,看到沒有,這個橋是雙橋,兩邊是后來加寬的。你記住這個雙橋,下次就能找到朝圣門,到了朝圣門就能找到市場,找到市場,第三排就能找到我。父親看看大橋上下,又問我那邊是西?我指指大橋西邊,說從這邊上去就是我們那兒的車站了。父親指指橋下邊,說,我還以為那邊是西哩。我看著灰蒙蒙的天空,心里忽然就很悲哀,父親今年是真的糊涂了。我說,那邊是東,下邊就是洛中,是往石門、景村方向去的。父親說,我知道了。你回去吧。我堅持把父親送過橋,指著南門口十字西北角的現代國美電器招牌對父親說,你下次來了,只要看見這個招牌,就知道回家的路了。

    我把父親送過馬路,堅持讓他走上人行道。我對父親說,把傘撐上,一直走,汽車站就把你擋住了。我又說,下了車,不要急著過馬路,等車走了,上下看看沒車了再走。父親說,這我知道。看著父親撐了傘,走在漫天飛舞的冰天雪地里,我的心情很沉重:父親是真的老了。

    前年的夏天,侄子行禮,父親從老家來到城里。禮畢,我們從大嫂家出來,父親說讓我陪他去配副眼鏡。父親說他上一副眼鏡是在雪亮眼鏡行配的。我說,雪亮眼鏡行最近在裝修,我們去西北眼鏡行吧。雪亮眼鏡行和西北眼鏡行不在一條街上,進眼鏡店時,父親怯怯地問我,一會出來朝哪邊走?我都找不到方向了。我說,出門往東走幾步就是中心廣場,從中心廣場往下走就看見雪亮眼鏡行了。找到雪亮眼鏡行你就能找到回家的路了。父親沒有說話。那是我第一次發現父親已經開始迷失在都市里了。但我當時沒有意識到它的嚴重性。只是輕描淡寫地說了回家的路。對父親迷失的不重視表現在我當時沒有徹底陪父親到始終,而是在父親帶上測試鏡片后,給工作人員叮嚀幾句就徑直走了,去經管我自己的門市部,把父親一個人孤零零地丟在那兒。

    第二次還是陪父親去配眼鏡。父親說,上次那個店里沒有配成。人家說,老人家是散光,他們那兒沒有那種鏡片。這次去的是雪亮眼鏡行。接待我們的是一個小姑娘。很熱情。當我把父親的情況說給她時,她微笑著把我們領到一個專柜,說,看上哪副,先取出來讓老人戴地試試,不行再換。試了幾副,父親自己都有點不好意思了,說,就拿這副吧。挺好的。女孩報了價,說,裝修后才開張,就沒有多說。我還在砍價,父親掏出錢,說,收了吧。做生意都不容易。

    出了店門,父親就不知道東南西北了。問我走哪兒?我一驚,才猛然意識到,父親已經是八十高齡的老人了。曾幾何時,父親風里雨里,塬上山里,白天晚上,把他一生里最好的時光和生命都貢獻給了教書育人的事業。曾幾何時,父親用一雙腿兩個窩窩頭走幾百里商州赴考,曾幾何時,父親天不亮就步行下洛州,用一根扁擔挑兩籮筐煤炭回家過年……不經意間,在我們忙碌自己的生意、經管自己的兒女,無暇顧忌父母時,忽然有一天,我們發現父母老了。曾經那么頭腦清醒的、永不服輸的父親一下子迷失在并不繁華龐大的都市。

    晚上回到家,給愛人說了迷失在都市里的父親。愛人說,你都沒有給父親買點吃的?我說,父親都問我賣吃食的搬到哪了,我都給他說了,咋就沒想到給他買點啥飯呢?愛人說,看你做的啥兒子?!

    是啊,我做的啥兒子?迷失在都市里的父親讓我自慚形穢,深深自責。

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